A Little Bonus for my L5R Friends

Gaijin’s guide to surviving in Rokugan

So, you find yourself surrounded by a foreign culture, and are lost in its alien customs? Have no fear, Gaijin Jack is here! Lets take that westernized brain of yours and give it the ol’ Osano-Wo shuffle. By the time you finish reading this little primer, you’ll know when to bow, and when to kneel… when to smile and when to keep your mouth shut! Remember that old saying, When in Rokugan, do as the Rokugani! Below you’ll find a convenient explanation of all the differences that you can expect from the fine people of this foreign land. And remember… Don’t loose your head!

Courtesy: Remember, you are in someone else’s home, so if they ask you to take off your shoes, you do it. Here though it’s a bit more complicated than that. There is a complex social structure at work, and it’s one that the local populace rigidly adheres to. You are a Gaijin, and as such, unless you are the guest of someone important, you have little to no rights. Gaijin Jack says, “When in doubt, chicken out”. The ruling class here all carry three foot long razorblades that they practice dancing with every day of their lives. If they feel you’ve slighted them, they’ll cut you…. And there really isn’t anything you can do about it. So be courteous. If you are unsure of how important someone is, bow deeply to them. If you see one of them razorblades strapped to their side, it’s best to just get out of the way, or if you can’t, just kneel off to the side until they pass.

Law: Here is the first major difference from what you’ll be used to. This society has an honor system…. No Really! Ok so it’s not what you’re thinking. Everyone here prides themselves on their “honor”. What does that mean to you? Well, since in their eyes you have no honor, it can mean nothing, or it can mean a lot. For instance, if someone is accused of a crime, but they are very honorable, no amount of evidence can convict them of the crime. They can simply fight for their honor, and if they win, they are obviously innocent. Only someone of higher station can enforce the claim of guilt. You’d be wise to remember this since you are, as they say, “an honorless dog”. If some honorable person says you did something, it doesn’t matter if you actually did or not. My advice in this situation is to grovel and plead for leniency. It will reinforce their idea that all gaijin are cowardly scum, and they may show you pity. So forget about everything you saw on CSI, it won’t help you here.

Fitting In: Simply put, you can’t. There is a rigidly defined “Celestial Order” at work here, that has been in place for thousands of years. At the very top is the Emperor(ess) and his courtly vassals. Below them is the Samurai Caste ( those are the guys with the razor blades). Next are merchants, craftsmen, and the peasantry. Below them are the non-people, basically the group that has all the shitty jobs like garbage men and IT guys. And at the very bottom is you, the guy from out of town.

Now here is where it gets tricky. Each class has there own set of rules of what they can and can’t do. At the top, they can do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t go against their religious teachings. The Samurai, act out of duty. They don’t ask “what do I want to do?” but rather, “What is required of me?” Really serious guys in this lot. Almost everything they do it a routine that they practice and go through every day of their lives, from what they do when the wake up, to what and when they eat. It won’t make sense to your westernized mind, but they actually repress their own personal desires in order to follow the desires of their lords. I know, weird huh? Anyway, the key point here it, they are not you, and you are not them. Don’t act like them, or you will find that words can be deadlier than those razorblades they all carry.

Final Note: Gaijin Jack has been at this a long time, and I can tell you, I’ve seen some freaky shit. No one here thinks like us, so it will be tough for you wrap you head around a lot of what goes on here. Stick with what I’ve written, and you should hopefully survive long enough to get your jade trinkets and be gone. I hope you’ve found this little primer useful in your stay here in Rokugan. Enjoy the food, culture and travel. Oh yeah, and one last thing. Stay away from the giant malformed clawed demons. The rat, snake, and bird people. And also the undead. Have fun!

My Deck Is Huge!

When I was younger, a wee lad of no more than eleven or twelve, I was introduced to a collectable card game called Magic the Gathering (Not to be confused with Highlander the Gathering). It was an amazing thing, never before seen in the gaming world. The concept was simple, as most great ideas are. For a small price, you can buy a pack of cards. In each pack there are a bunch of cards that you will eventually use to build skyscrapers, or keep the condensation from your drink off the table. Then there are few cards that are relatively useful, and having some extra's wouldn't hurt. But at the very back of the pack, was the one card you wanted to see. It would be the card that would destroy friendships, and eventually lead to the creation of a non drug related black market economy at every junior high school across the county... The "rare".

 

These kids are completely unaware there is a female nearby

Now, you'll need to buy a few more packs, to get enough useful cards, and have some rares to trade on the black market. Of course, it would probably be more convenient to just start buying these things by the box full, after all you'll need the whole set. An expansion?!? WTF is that? I need to buy more cards. But I just got a Black Lotus! Do you know how many packs you need to buy to get one of those? The dick down the street has three, and all he needed to do was prostitute himself over at the docks to get the money. Maybe I can edge in on his action. After all who knows how many expansions they'll make.

too many

Once established gaming companies saw the fervor a collectable card game could generate, They all wanted in the mix. Some gave us horrible products, like Spellfire brought to us by TSR, while others were half way decent, like Jyhad (now know as Vampire: the Eternal Struggle) by White Wolf Studios. Then came the silliness. Collectable Card Games (CCGs) came forth in a torrent like the biblical flood that made collecting two of each animals so famous. Speaking of collecting animals.... Pokemon anyone? This a move the gaming industry took right out of the tobacco companies play book. Hook em' while they're young. If you don't think Pokemon is evil, then you've never seen three people nearly crushed to death by eight tons of Pokemon booster boxes. I wish I was making that up... it would be funnier if I were.

Imagine explaining your demise from this to your maker

But every dark cloud has it's silver lining, and out of the gloom would emerge the ccg that had the player at heart. Arise Legend of the Five Rings(L5R), and claim your glorious throne. The twist? Let the players control an ever evolving storyline based on the actions they take in matches they play during a sanctioned tournament. Put evil cards in your deck and win? Chances are your faction will turn into corrupt A-holes that talk at the movies. Sacrifice your eminent victory for the greater good of your Clan? Stories will get written in your honor. And best of all, there will be an end to the story. Yup once we're done telling it, there won't be any more expansions.

Oh how naive we were.  L5R quickly climbed the ladder, becoming the most popular ccg next to Magic the Gathering. It elevated its parent company to new heights, and made it a juicy target for other, larger gaming companies. Custody of L5R would change hand several times, and it would even survive a law suit from the International Olympic Commission. No as long as it remained profitable, The spice would flow. There are currently over 70 unique L5R sets released to date. It was meant to end after eight.

Could be the spice.... or the shoddy Chinese inks are being absorbed through our skin.

I say all this not to demean the culture. Hell, I've probably paid for several people's homes with my purchases alone over the years. I say it to embrace it. Once you let the insanity in, it can't hurt you anymore, right? I recently renewed my love affair (read addiction) with CCGs. While I had maintained a relatively large collection of World of Warcraft cards over the years, they were mostly used for drunken raid deck debauchery, not for your standard competitive play. If that last sentence made sense to you, then we are truly brothers bonded forever by our shared pain. If you are a woman, being bonded with me by our shared pain has an entirely different connotation.... call me (I'm married.. this disclaimer brought to you by my desire to sleep in my own bed).

Me after downing Onyxia in a Wow CCG raid.

No, my true return to the CCG world was with my beloved L5R. It's back in the hands of the original company that created it, in the sense that both actresses that played Marsha Brady are technically Marsha Brady. The old familiar cards I was used to are all gone, and the game itself is fundamentally changed from what I remember. But, if I'm to fork over my hard won disposable income to a harsh demanding mistress, it might as well be one that tells me a story.


P.S., Don't forget to like me on Facebook --->Gamer Reborn

What Do You People Want From Me

Alright, I realize that I can't just rant about poor gaming habits caused by modern culture, post after post after post..... Well actually, I could, but I feel people would stop listening. And people already don't listen to me enough as it is. All you married gamers out there know what I'm talking about.

This needs no caption

The point I'm trying to make is, I want to know what you my readers would like to see in my blog? I know, you are thinking, "Other people read this crap? I though I was the only one with that much self loathing". I was just as surprised when I saw the numbers. It's with that in mind that I'm looking for suggestions. I have a few game reviews kicking around in my head, which I fully plan on making a reality. But what other things would the Gaming Community like to see?

To dream the impossible dream 

I've been told on numerous occasions that leaving a reply on this blog is like getting a fully play tested game from Fantasy Flight Publishing. So, I've made us a place we can chat over the interwebs on some new site called Facebook. The link is here. Drop on by there and "like" me, so that I have positive affirmation that my first girlfriend was wrong all those years ago. Tell me what you think, what you want...... what you did last summer.

Reading Books, A Novel Concept!

Alright, so I pun a little. Leave my title be. Since my last blog, I've been gaming regularly. I'm involved in two separate tabletop RPG's, I've re-acquired an old and beloved CCG, and my Space Marines have never looked better. I feel good. Though I haven't had the time to blog about my experiences until now, I have most assuredly enjoyed my re-immersion in my geekish roots. There is, however, one disturbing trend I've noticed in my travels through fantasy land.

Most role playing games now-a-days fill a niche market. Like samurai? Play Legend of the Five Rings. Space Marines your thing? You get Deathwatch. Maybe you just really like wearing a cape. You, my friend have options! (depending mostly on the type of cape) The point is, each system is designed to cater to a specific type of role-playing experience. Some are for people who like dark and gritty horror, while others are full of futuristic adventure. They do so by creating a system of dynamic rules that allow the players mechanics to enact their heroic feats, or perform some old fashioned gumshoe sleuthing. These mechanics get published in sacred tomes of knowledge called "core rulebooks". The thought behind this is that all the rules you will ever need to know in order to adventure in the epic world of your choosing are condensed into this single indispensable volume.

I prefer this cape

Now most gamers know exactly what to do. Run down to your friendly local gaming store, drop your $50 on that shiny hardcover, and run home giddily thinking of all the awesome joy your new purchase will bring. Game night rolls around, and you meet with four of your buddies who also made their journey to buy the 950 page collectors edition that came with a special die that only rolls 6's and a psychically drawn  portrait of the only helmet your new character will  ever wear. Your friend Tim (everyone knows a Tim) has agreed to GM this game, because he used to run it four editions ago. Obviously everything is the same, and the developers have changed not a thing in the subsequent editions that you've missed. Flipping quickly to the character creation summery section, everyone whips together their new persona in a display of mechanical pencil wielding that would impress a Jedi. At last it's time to get started!

It's as comfortable as it looks.

Tim (you remember him, he's the GM), sets the stage for the adventurers. You are all strangers who meet at an inn, and by some random twist of fate  are forced to form a ragtag group battling against unknown forces of evil. You have to fend off the zombie minions ravaging the innocent townsfolk, and so you.... wait... where was the section on combat? I think it was page 803, hold on let me look it up. Can you check how to calculate initiative while I do this. Damn it, what the difference in damage bonus if I wield this stop sign two handed? I know you want to swing from the chandelier, but we have to see how Athletics works! Why didn't sleeping with this book under my pillow impart all it's knowledge to me?!? There has to be an easier way.

  

87 pages of random facial feature generating charts!

Someone wise once said something that is probably very applicable here. They wrote it down, but no one ever read it so I don't know what it is. That being said, all of the above could simply be avoided if people actually read the books they are spending so much of their hard earned cash to buy. Sure, there is always that one friend who isn't really all that into role-playing, but he makes really awesome Star Wars references and can do an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression , so you invite him anyway. He doesn't own the books so everyone cuts him some slack and teaches him as they go. But the rest of the players have no excuse. They've already flipped through all the pictures, and checked out the cool magic items that they plan on breaking the game with later. The least they could do is read that pesky section labeled "how to play".

All of these will be full by game three.

Nothing kills a game faster than having to look every last detail up. A good GM can wing most things and keep the story moving, but they shouldn't have to carry the entire game on their shoulders. Every participant, player or storyteller, has a part to play in making the role-playing experience flow. I don't know the origin of this disturbing trend. Perhaps we all lead much busier lives now. I can remember a time where I anxiously awaited the newest releases for my favorite game systems so I could hurry them home and devour their knowledge in a dank and musty basement. My friends all did the same, and when we'd meet, there would be conversations and debates that would make ancient Greek philosophers worried for our sanity. Now it seems like the going trend is to mindlessly keep our collections complete, and see how thickly we can collect layers of dust and cat hair on them.

If only I had read more, I could have prevented the growth of cauliflower on my jaw!

I could go on endlessly about this subject, slowly pushing myself closer to the inevitable heart failure that will eventually claim me. That, however, would serve no purpose. I simply encourage everyone to rekindle their love for reading. If you're a gamer, than at some point you've had that love. Sure the gaming companies often publish shoddily edited source books that create more questions than they answer (I'm looking at you Fantasy Flight), but somewhere in there are the basic nuggets we all need to know in order to enjoy our favorite worlds. And don't skip over the fluff either! It may just make you role-play instead of going on a jolly hackfest.

I Hit it With My Axe!

    I want you to imagine your most favorite hero from your most beloved book, movie, or television show. Next I want you to think of the villain that is your hero's nemesis, the bad guy who time and again puts the protagonist in untenable situations, only to have them narrowly survive and thwart their plans. Now Imagine that upon their very first meeting, without any dialogue or prior understanding of the villain's crimes, the hero offs the guy (or gal) as they enter the room. Wouldn't make for a very interesting story in my opinion. Sure, the hero may have saved countless of innocent lives, but we'd have no way of knowing because that's where the tale would have ended.
    

Take that, whoever you are!

     We all role-play for a myriad of reason. For some it's a release from the day to day stresses of life, for others it's a way to play out parts of their personality that otherwise remain hidden in civil society. After all, you can't just walk down the street, armed to the teeth looking for a fight. At least not if you live outside of Texas. The point is, we all secretly want to be bad-asses, and that's hard to do when your TPS report is missing its cover sheet.  The problem unfortunately comes when that is the only aspect of our characters we focus on.
    How often has this happened to you? It's Thursday night, your boss has been up your ass all week, and now it's game night. Your last session left off  just as you were about to get some answers from a shadowed creature regarding your mother's murder. The GM sits down, and as you run through in your head the conversation you've been planning all week, your buddy rolls some dice. "I hit it with my Axe!" he yells, blood lust dripping from his voice. Perhaps you sit dumbfounded by your friend's idiocy, or maybe, you frantically try and convince the GM to restrain your simpleminded buddy and his quest for carnage. Either way, the role playing experience you were hoping for is now shattered.

 At least let me roll initiative!

    This is, in my opinion, the MMO mentality seeping into our role playing lives. Many gamers have been so accustomed to logging in, getting a few quests they never took the time to read, running to the places marked on their mini-map to kill the indicated creatures, and handing in said quests for xp and phat loot. The NPC could have asked you to collect the items he needed to slay a school full of orphans, and your paladin happily complied. After all, the quest giver was in need of help... and damn those boots he was offering were amazing.
    I don't mean to sound like a broken record, decrying what MMOs have done to the role playing experience as a whole, but this blog is about old school gaming, and you can't have old school without there being a new school. Let's take a look at Dungeons and Dragons, perhaps the most wide spread and best known of all RPGs. The original game was complex, and required nothing short of an advanced math degree to calculate what you needed to roll in order to successfully tie your shoe. Subsequent editions have tried to simplify the game in order to obtain a wider audience. However, its current edition is nothing short of an MMO in paper format. A wizard is no different than a fighter in that each simply has a set of powers that are usable under the correct circumstances, some coming with their own built in "cool down" times. Gone are the days of spell memorization, and arcane study. Each class has been assigned a role such as controller, healer, or tank. Hmm... where have I heard those terms before?

 4th edition D&D in a nutshell

    I must take a moment here to breath, as I've just re-read what I wrote and suddenly feel like I've transformed into the comic book guy from the Simpsons. My words are thick with sarcasm and artificial authority. I'm not here to convert you to Scientology, I'm simply looking to examine a hobby dear to me. If what I've described above is what you want from a game, then more power to you. Sometimes it's fun to just slay some orcs, and revel in the insane numbers your character can generate when rolling damage. I know I've been guilty of this feeling as much as the next guy. But there has to be something more right? After all there was something other than rolling damage that made us play these games in the first place.
   That brings us back to those heroes I had you imagining at the beginning. It was their stories that inspired me to play, and I'm betting you're in the same boat. But they were selfless, acting from a complicated background and history that made them who they are. Could you imagine if Mal picked up another guys gun after he killed him and simply tossed his own away because the new one was better? Or if Drizzt was concerned with amassing piles of wealth instead of saving the innocent. These wouldn't be the heroes we loved, and certainly not the stories we followed so closely.
    So next time, when you're skimming through your favorite core rulebook, looking for that uber combo that will slice four ninjas to ribbons with one swipe of your No-Dachi, ask yourself if that's all that matters to you. The answer may be yes, and if it is, so be it. I hope though, that this was at least food for thought.

-End-

    (Wow... I think I need a hug after that. It made me feel all squishy inside, like a moist overstuffed burrito. I hope you are all enjoying my articles, and I intend to keep them coming. For now I have a few shout outs. The title to this blog, I Hit it With My Axe, is a reference to another blog that I follow about porn stars who play D&D. You should check em out. Next, remember to support your friendly local gaming store. I would be lost without Myriad Games, and their friendly and helpful staff. You may be able to find a better price online, but you'll never beat the personal service you get at a local store. Plus most of them will let you game in store, so it gives your basement some time to air out. More on that topic to come. Lastly, I want to thank all my friends who've been spreading this thing around the interwebs for me. You guys are the best! Except you Eric.)

First!

    Lets be honest with each other from the beginning. I'm writing this blog because I'm thirty years old now, and I feel the slow inevitable chill of age creeping into me. Not in my joints or bones, but into my mind. I have begun to look at things and think to myself "In my day things were better". And I have to wonder, were they? After all, when I first entered the world of gaming, we did things with pencils and paper, with cards and miniatures. We had imaginations back then. Now, I can sit down at my computer, hack away at the corpse of my enemy until... well.... until I have to get up to pee really.
    An imagination is no longer required. I know what every monster and magic sword from here to Meridian looks like because it has been rendered for me in glorious and for some reason slightly cartoonish fashion. Where once I looked forward to descending into my buddies basement to roll some dice and drink Mt Dew until the sun crested the horizon, now I simply plop into my computer chair and repeatedly mash my action bar (four arcane blasts and then my missiles should have proced). I don't need to interact with another living soul to get my game on. Some nights my wife and I will be mere feet from one another, but will communicate through online whispers. Have I lost my mind.... My sanity?

He's clearly lost something

    No, I've just forgotten my roots. Lets face it, to be a gamer today is to exist as a member of a prime marketing demographic. Companies have caught on that gamers spend money, and they devote much of their time to churning out products for you to tear through your disposable income like Charlie Sheen in a meth lab.
In the dark days of the 80's, when Dungeons and Dragons was something your parents still feared, we were filled with glee when a new book was finally released, months if not a full year after the last. There was no web page to hype it's production. Hell, if you even knew about the books release before you saw it on a dusty hobby store shelf, it meant that you either had some connection deep inside the gaming underground, or you had used the last wish from the ring that old man gave you for rescuing his daughter from the Githyanki. Now, however, we are virtually guaranteed a new release every month from a slew of major companies all fighting hard for your dollars. Let us get back to the 80's, where it was socially acceptable, and completely normal to dress like this:

This photo was described as a costume

If I wanted to jump over turtles and shoot ducks while a dog laughed condescendingly at me, I turned to my trusty Nintendo game console (after blowing into its game cartridge) and tapped away at A and B. But if I wanted an adventure, my options were investigating that odd smelling smoke coming from my neighbors sweet van, or getting together with my friends, rolling up a druid and seeing where things went from there. We were creative back then, and we had it all. From maps neatly drawn on lined graph paper (that we stole from my older brother), to elaborate histories detailing our character's undying fear of unicorns.

And that's when shit got real

The point is, with all the hack and slash mmo's out there, the goal stopped being an immersive and imaginative experience. Now we obsessively grind for gear score and track our dps output. It is with that in mind I move on to the true point of this blog. I have taken a bold and frightening step backwards, towards what gaming once was. Today I have deleted every RTS, FPS, and MMO from my desktop. This may sound like a trivial thing, but if you truly believe that than by all means, go and type DELETE on the load screen of your tier 12 level 100 Beastmaster, I'll wait.... No takers?

I wish I knew how to quit you

This is how I shall chronicle my journey (and inevitable withdrawal symptoms) of rediscovering my imagination. Old school gaming, nothing but books and dice. I'll paint some miniatures and maybe inspire some of you to do the same along the way. Though to be fair, you can just order a fully painted replica of your toon in her epics.... that's probably way easier.